Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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