New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
