my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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