I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
