I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
