Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Randomize
