This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
