I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
