Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
