The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
