wakey wakey hands off snakey
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
