boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
