Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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