I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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