dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
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so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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