I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize