I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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