i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
