you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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