I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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