You smell like a Billy Joel song
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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