Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
3 2 1 whiskey
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
