toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
North Korea, Best Korea!
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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