you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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