Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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