How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
