Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
