so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
