He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
