If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
