Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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