Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
