Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I want to fling myself into the sun
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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