Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
