Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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