My sheets look like a crime scene.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
