Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
