Im at strip club and am horny
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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