Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Randomize
