I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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