i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
