I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
