He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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