I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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