Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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