I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
