omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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