I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Redeem this text for a blowjob
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
