hotel room ftw
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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