Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Randomize
