ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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