We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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