Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
