Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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