Moan for me like Helen Keller
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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