youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
