hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
