I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
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