I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
