Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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