i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
