I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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