dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize