what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
