girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
