I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
