apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
