I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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