she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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