so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
