I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
