we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
