not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
