we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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