my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
