if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
